today i realised.
it isnt what i want isnt it.?
i didnt want it to end up this way is it not.?
or is it cause i WANTED it to be that way.
to be like this.
for everyone to suffer.
is it that way.?
i dont know.
i dont know.
im running arent i.
running.
from everything.
betraying myself.
not believing myself.
is it that way.?
or.
is it that.
im afraid.
afriad that.
i'll nv get to be as close to you now.
is it that way.?
why.
why am i thinking that way.
i havent even tried.
why jump to conclusions.
so do i have to believe that life.
is like that.?
its to run.?
when you meet a problem.?
does it always have to be that way.?
why.
who set that rule.?
all these questions flashing across my mind.
but.
i dont have that answer.
none.
all i kept doing was to leave every problem into that box.
in a box.
that i'll never open again.
isnt that running away.?
not wanting to face the problem.?
why.
i dont know.
a thousand whys.
and no answer.
none.
i tell ppl that i believe life is to see others happy.
to laugh.
to cry.
to enjoy.
to play.
but.
im not thinking that way at all.
am i.?
i feel horrible telling people that.
cause.
to me.
to live is to die again.
is it not.?
no its not.
what i tell others.
are different.
to my thinking.
why.?
i can help others.
but i cant help myself.
at all.
and im all the time trying my best.
to be happy.
to see the people around me.
be happy.
but inside.
am i smiling.?
am i.
really smiling.?
if i am.
why is there.
a dark shadow.
there.
deep down.
im hiding.
from what.
from who.
i dont know.
and i hope.
i'll be able to find that answer.
to fight this dark shadow.
to really.
smile.